Lets be real here, being a new mom is hard. People can tell you over and over how hard its going to be, but the truth is once you've reached motherhood you've reached a whole new level of hard that no one else can relate to but other people with children. Especially if you're the lucky winner of a colicky baby.
I am one of those winners, yes, the recipient of a beautiful, soft, warm, screaming bloody murder baby boy. The thing about being a new mom is that you have no clue what the heck you are doing. Throw a screaming angry kid on top of that and you get a giant stress storm. This was my personal experience anyways, the first four weeks were the hardest weeks of my entire life! I have been through a lot, I have been through some very hard times and come out on top a better and smarter woman. But this. A baby. I was floored.
My body was oozing from every place that it could, my bottom was still healing (it was so swollen I could barely sit down, and it burned every time I peed), my hormones were a disaster and I was experiencing hot flashes and sweating constantly. These are just some of the things that were going on. Breastfeeding was difficult, I had "inverted nipples" and my son was tongue tied as well so we had to use a nipple shield. This is a pretty comical device shaped like an extremely long nipple on steroids and would capture excess milk in it, pouring it down my shirt or up onto my face when my baby flung his arms up on me. It hurts when your milk comes in, and breastfeeding is hard, so cheers to you mommy's out there who breastfed your babies for the longest amount of time that you could, and I sympathize with those of you who couldn't bear the pain and had to stop sooner than you wanted. I feel ya.
There is no real way to express the pain your body goes through when recovering from giving birth, I once heard it put "You are like a rotten piece of fruit, wrinkly and squishy and fluids coming out of every part of your body..." This is a pretty accurate description. It's been 4 months since I had my little one and I remember labor pain like it was yesterday, there is no way to explain that fully either. When my childless friends ask me what it was like I have no words, I tell them its like my insides were sand paper and then the sandpaper was rubbing together in my abdomen and back and down my legs and you can't make it stop no matter what. . . well, the fentanyl helped!
I'm a huge advocate of the drugs, but still got a lot of respect for you all natural mommies!
The point is, whether you are a first time mom who planned for your baby, or didn't plan, or its your 4th kid and they are totally different from your first, don't be too hard on yourself. I struggled from post partum depression and I still suffer from anxiety attacks that I never had before my baby. Just do the best you can, be the best you can be, and screw everyone else's standards of what a good mother is. love your baby with all your heart and take care them, that's a good mom, that is the best mom.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Symptoms
Time to deal with the ramifications of my actions...
One lovely drunken and very irresponsible night left me with 41 weeks of sickness, hopelessness, and pain!
When you are pregnant and someone asks, "how are you feeling?" they do not REALLY want to know how you are feeling. They want you to smile and pat your belly and say "I feel great!" or "Do you want to touch it? You can feel him moving!" No one wants the honest truth. That's too bad though, because as a barista you interact with customers at work all day long, not to mention the fact that you woke up at the butt crack of dawn to serve them coffee while your ankles swell and your belly grows fatter by every minute while your hormones rage. I was far too honest with my friends and customers. I could probably write a book on morning sickness and leg cramps while pregnant.
SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE but are not limited to :
NAUSEA AND VOMITING:
The first time I had morning sickness I went in to open the café, as soon as I started pulling shots I started throwing up! I had to run into my office in the back and vomit into my trash bin. I ended up calling two other people to come in and help since the mere smell of coffee sent my stomach churning. This lasted about 3 months. I couldn't eat meat, that was very sad. I had to change my schedule at work to make sure that I never worked alone in case I got sick and had to run to the back. This was not easy to explain to my employees when they asked if I would take and opening shift or trade with them and I had to say no. I had to stop a meeting with my boss to run to a trash can and throw up, she said she was familiar with the "puke and rally" from being a pregnant barista herself in the past.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND GRUMPINESS:
The second worst symptom I got from my actions was being tired ALL THE TIME! I had absolutely NO energy to do anything. This lead to crankiness, anger, frustration, and only made the "pregnancy brain" way worse. I could hardly say what I was thinking let alone deal with customers and smile like I was happy or something. This was completely impossible to explain to anyone who has not been pregnant. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant is not having any friends who have babies that can understand or sympathize. I have never felt more alone in my life than when I was pregnant, which of course made me even more grumpy. At the end of a work day I could hardly bare to stand on my feet let alone make a meal for my new husband! Poor Guy!
Pregnancy insomnia is a very real thing. On top of being scared out of your mind about having a baby (that we did not really plan for) being newly married, work, relationships, and the sheer physical pain that I endured daily I had the hardest time sleeping!!! Nothing was worse though than the leg cramps and Restless Leg Syndrome, which yes, you can get while you are pregnant even if you did not have it before. It literally felt like a million little bugs were under my skin and I couldn't shake my legs hard enough to make them go away! The cramping would happen if I tried to stretch in my sleep and would wake me up in searing pain! I even had my husband draw me a bath one time in the middle of the night because I could not move my legs they hurt so bad!
SUPER SMELL POWERS:
Another thing.... the smelling, super pregnant smell power is a very real thing! Things that smell good smell amazing, and things that smell bad made me cry because they smelled so bad. Nausea was impossible to avoid. This included eating, cause you smell what you eat. Some food was so good I would moan uncontrollably while I ate it! How embarrassing! But other things like someone passing gas, or household chemicals used for cleaning and such would always make my head spin!
WEIGHT GAIN AND SWELLING:
I don't care if there is a small human inside of me, weight gain was a hard reality to deal with. I had always been skinny my whole life without having to work for it. Gaining weight was difficult especially when buying maternity clothing, which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY overpriced! How do they expect poor pregnant women to afford a ton of baby crap and pay $50 for a pair of pants on top of that! Also, I had the very unfortunate gift of being pregnant through summer, that means I sweat the entire time I was pregnant (and afterwards too, but we will get to that later). The worst part is that I couldn't just wear a tank top and shorts, the company had very strict rules about covering your armpits, and toes during a bar shift. Which made my feet swell even more since they were hot while I stood on them for 5-6 hours at a time. Also note that the air conditioning broke in my café in the dead of August when it was the hottest. . . I wanted to hurt someone! The suffering was almost unbearable. At least I had big boobs.
Saving the best for last...
HEARTBURN:
There are no words to describe what happens to your insides when they are being infiltrated by a small human child. Everything gets squished, and sometimes there isn't enough room for things to work properly. Heartburn was my worst enemy. Heartburn ruined my days, I couldn't drink coffee, eat anything, God forbid that I try to lay down flat! Something about my upbringing had me against medications and since I was pregnant I tried very hard to be careful what I put in my body. This was stupid. I finally asked my doc for some meds to settle the acid reflux and it worked like a Christmas miracle! Get the drugs! Don't suffer like I did. I only had them for about the last month of my pregnancy and I really learned my lesson, if I ever get knocked up again I will get them immediately!
CONSTIPATION:
Do I need to explain this?
FREQUENT URINATION:
I peed, all the time. I peed so much!
One lovely drunken and very irresponsible night left me with 41 weeks of sickness, hopelessness, and pain!
When you are pregnant and someone asks, "how are you feeling?" they do not REALLY want to know how you are feeling. They want you to smile and pat your belly and say "I feel great!" or "Do you want to touch it? You can feel him moving!" No one wants the honest truth. That's too bad though, because as a barista you interact with customers at work all day long, not to mention the fact that you woke up at the butt crack of dawn to serve them coffee while your ankles swell and your belly grows fatter by every minute while your hormones rage. I was far too honest with my friends and customers. I could probably write a book on morning sickness and leg cramps while pregnant.
SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE but are not limited to :
NAUSEA AND VOMITING:
The first time I had morning sickness I went in to open the café, as soon as I started pulling shots I started throwing up! I had to run into my office in the back and vomit into my trash bin. I ended up calling two other people to come in and help since the mere smell of coffee sent my stomach churning. This lasted about 3 months. I couldn't eat meat, that was very sad. I had to change my schedule at work to make sure that I never worked alone in case I got sick and had to run to the back. This was not easy to explain to my employees when they asked if I would take and opening shift or trade with them and I had to say no. I had to stop a meeting with my boss to run to a trash can and throw up, she said she was familiar with the "puke and rally" from being a pregnant barista herself in the past.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND GRUMPINESS:
The second worst symptom I got from my actions was being tired ALL THE TIME! I had absolutely NO energy to do anything. This lead to crankiness, anger, frustration, and only made the "pregnancy brain" way worse. I could hardly say what I was thinking let alone deal with customers and smile like I was happy or something. This was completely impossible to explain to anyone who has not been pregnant. One of the hardest parts of being pregnant is not having any friends who have babies that can understand or sympathize. I have never felt more alone in my life than when I was pregnant, which of course made me even more grumpy. At the end of a work day I could hardly bare to stand on my feet let alone make a meal for my new husband! Poor Guy!
Pregnancy insomnia is a very real thing. On top of being scared out of your mind about having a baby (that we did not really plan for) being newly married, work, relationships, and the sheer physical pain that I endured daily I had the hardest time sleeping!!! Nothing was worse though than the leg cramps and Restless Leg Syndrome, which yes, you can get while you are pregnant even if you did not have it before. It literally felt like a million little bugs were under my skin and I couldn't shake my legs hard enough to make them go away! The cramping would happen if I tried to stretch in my sleep and would wake me up in searing pain! I even had my husband draw me a bath one time in the middle of the night because I could not move my legs they hurt so bad!
SUPER SMELL POWERS:
Another thing.... the smelling, super pregnant smell power is a very real thing! Things that smell good smell amazing, and things that smell bad made me cry because they smelled so bad. Nausea was impossible to avoid. This included eating, cause you smell what you eat. Some food was so good I would moan uncontrollably while I ate it! How embarrassing! But other things like someone passing gas, or household chemicals used for cleaning and such would always make my head spin!
WEIGHT GAIN AND SWELLING:
I don't care if there is a small human inside of me, weight gain was a hard reality to deal with. I had always been skinny my whole life without having to work for it. Gaining weight was difficult especially when buying maternity clothing, which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY overpriced! How do they expect poor pregnant women to afford a ton of baby crap and pay $50 for a pair of pants on top of that! Also, I had the very unfortunate gift of being pregnant through summer, that means I sweat the entire time I was pregnant (and afterwards too, but we will get to that later). The worst part is that I couldn't just wear a tank top and shorts, the company had very strict rules about covering your armpits, and toes during a bar shift. Which made my feet swell even more since they were hot while I stood on them for 5-6 hours at a time. Also note that the air conditioning broke in my café in the dead of August when it was the hottest. . . I wanted to hurt someone! The suffering was almost unbearable. At least I had big boobs.
Saving the best for last...
HEARTBURN:
There are no words to describe what happens to your insides when they are being infiltrated by a small human child. Everything gets squished, and sometimes there isn't enough room for things to work properly. Heartburn was my worst enemy. Heartburn ruined my days, I couldn't drink coffee, eat anything, God forbid that I try to lay down flat! Something about my upbringing had me against medications and since I was pregnant I tried very hard to be careful what I put in my body. This was stupid. I finally asked my doc for some meds to settle the acid reflux and it worked like a Christmas miracle! Get the drugs! Don't suffer like I did. I only had them for about the last month of my pregnancy and I really learned my lesson, if I ever get knocked up again I will get them immediately!
CONSTIPATION:
Do I need to explain this?
FREQUENT URINATION:
I peed, all the time. I peed so much!
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Finding Out
This blog is for all soon to be moms, moms, and/or anyone thinking that they may want to become a mom some day....
These are the things that no one ever tells you, that your own mom forgot to mention, and the plain honest truth about parenting. This blog is not for the faint of heart or for those who can't handle some explicit content. This blog is for me, my sister, and my friends considering having children of their own someday.
I want to change the way people (women particularly) view and discuss pregnancy and motherhood. Yes, it is wonderful and magical and the most amazing thing you will ever do in your life... But there is so much more to it than that. Why are we so shy about sharing the facts? Why couldn't our Grandparents say the word "pregnant" and have to tip toe around the truth by using words like "expecting" or "with child"??? What is that!? It isn't like you can hide a pregnancy for long! So what is wrong with talking about it? What is the actual problem here?
When I found out I was pregnant I was only 3 weeks along, but the reality is that I knew immediately what was going on... I was working as the manager of a coffee shop when I started feeling a little sickly. One of my employees actually brought a pregnancy test to work for me to take which I conveniently forgot to use. I kept mentioning that I was not feeling good at work and one of my employees asked "Are you pregnant?!" I immediately broke out into tears and ran to the back saying "I think I might be!" It was horrifying and embarassing...
This of course was a lie since I knew that I was pregnant but didn't want o to admit it. I went that afternoon to the store and called my sister (Whom I would DIE without) and told her I was going to her house with a pregnancy test. when I got there I told her that my boobs had been getting darker and we went into her downstairs bathroom where I insisted that she show me her boobs so that we could compare colors. As soon as I lifted my top off she started to laugh at me in a very "haha I knew it" tone and told me I was definitely pregnant. The test I took showed one clear line, and one very faint second line. At this point I could hear her husband sitting at the table outside the door laughing at us cause he could hear everything that was going on.
I was in severe denial! No way this could happen to me! Now let me get one thing straight, I had the most wonderful possible scenario for an unwed pregnant barista. I was dating the love of my life, he was supportive and wanted children some day....but this was unexpected. I had convinced myself that I would never have children myself, since I hated them. This was a complete game changer.
I know as a middleclass white woman in America that I have "options" about keeping the baby, I can proudly say that no other "option" than keeping the baby crossed my mind. I absolutely had no idea what to do with a child, not to mention a baby, but I knew one hundred percent that I was keeping the thing. I called my mom to have lunch with me and told her that I thought I was knocked up. It couldn't be the most exciting news for a mother to hear, especially since my family is very religious and pre marital sex is considered a sin. I knew that if I was actually pregnant that I would need her by my side through the whole thing. She was the one who came with me to the doctor for the blood work and the final confirmation of my "situation".
Little did I know that this little baby had quite an adventure in store for me. . .
This blog is for all soon to be moms, moms, and/or anyone thinking that they may want to become a mom some day....
These are the things that no one ever tells you, that your own mom forgot to mention, and the plain honest truth about parenting. This blog is not for the faint of heart or for those who can't handle some explicit content. This blog is for me, my sister, and my friends considering having children of their own someday.
I want to change the way people (women particularly) view and discuss pregnancy and motherhood. Yes, it is wonderful and magical and the most amazing thing you will ever do in your life... But there is so much more to it than that. Why are we so shy about sharing the facts? Why couldn't our Grandparents say the word "pregnant" and have to tip toe around the truth by using words like "expecting" or "with child"??? What is that!? It isn't like you can hide a pregnancy for long! So what is wrong with talking about it? What is the actual problem here?
When I found out I was pregnant I was only 3 weeks along, but the reality is that I knew immediately what was going on... I was working as the manager of a coffee shop when I started feeling a little sickly. One of my employees actually brought a pregnancy test to work for me to take which I conveniently forgot to use. I kept mentioning that I was not feeling good at work and one of my employees asked "Are you pregnant?!" I immediately broke out into tears and ran to the back saying "I think I might be!" It was horrifying and embarassing...
This of course was a lie since I knew that I was pregnant but didn't want o to admit it. I went that afternoon to the store and called my sister (Whom I would DIE without) and told her I was going to her house with a pregnancy test. when I got there I told her that my boobs had been getting darker and we went into her downstairs bathroom where I insisted that she show me her boobs so that we could compare colors. As soon as I lifted my top off she started to laugh at me in a very "haha I knew it" tone and told me I was definitely pregnant. The test I took showed one clear line, and one very faint second line. At this point I could hear her husband sitting at the table outside the door laughing at us cause he could hear everything that was going on.
I was in severe denial! No way this could happen to me! Now let me get one thing straight, I had the most wonderful possible scenario for an unwed pregnant barista. I was dating the love of my life, he was supportive and wanted children some day....but this was unexpected. I had convinced myself that I would never have children myself, since I hated them. This was a complete game changer.
I know as a middleclass white woman in America that I have "options" about keeping the baby, I can proudly say that no other "option" than keeping the baby crossed my mind. I absolutely had no idea what to do with a child, not to mention a baby, but I knew one hundred percent that I was keeping the thing. I called my mom to have lunch with me and told her that I thought I was knocked up. It couldn't be the most exciting news for a mother to hear, especially since my family is very religious and pre marital sex is considered a sin. I knew that if I was actually pregnant that I would need her by my side through the whole thing. She was the one who came with me to the doctor for the blood work and the final confirmation of my "situation".
Little did I know that this little baby had quite an adventure in store for me. . .
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